She read what Evie blogged about the weekend. How he celebrated his birthday with his family and all. There were pictures. Pictures of him and his wife, his sisters, his parents, his MIL, his dog. Pictures of his race during the weekend. Notes about the celebration and his feelings on his birthday. Towards the wife, towards the family.
Somehow, She felt something. She felt something not right. She felt something is nagging at Her conscience. In short, She didn’t feel too good.
On top of that, it could also be because of Her PMS that makes Her feeling so emo. Yes, She’s having PMS. Her boobies felt tender and painful at times! So, that’s how She knows She’s having PMS.
Anyway, coming back to the ‘issue’ at hand, She feels She need to do something. She feels She should let go of Evie. But at the same time, She’s a bitch. She doesn’t wanna let go. Yes, perhaps She’s just a bitch.
Well, She’s a bitch who feels.
Alot.
Alot more than She could tell.
Alot more than what other people could see.
Yes, She has a choice to end this. But is She gonna do it? For now, She’s inclined to doing it but She still isn’t sure because She doesn’t wanna do it.
So how?
In the beginning, when She told Him about Her relationship with Evie, He said that She’s a fucked up case. She agreed. Yes, She could have made a different choice at the point when She knew Evie’s not available but yet She persisted on keeping the relationship. Yes, at some point, She was ‘coaxed’ into it but She knows She also wanted it. She wanted someone to make love to her the way he did it.
She just wanted that then.
Now, She still wants it.
But…
The but is making Her think again.
*sigh*
For all you know, She might forget about this in the next few days and everything will be rosy again. The Vicious Cycle, She calls it. She has experienced this kinda emotional rollercoaster all Her life. She’s quite ‘used’ to it but still, it’s not a happy state, not a good feeling about oneself.
She knows what’s the right thing to do. She knows what she’s supposed to do. But She’s just so consumed in Her feelings, in Her emotions and that’s what hindering Her.
Just now, She told Him that She’s gonna blog, that She’s got something on Her mind. He said why don’t She just tell Him. She said She needs to compose Her mind and on top of that, She knows that He’s tired and needs rest. He’s a Baby 
He’s Her Baby 
But She cheered up a bit when He told Her that He missed Her 
She also missed Him, actually. Before going online, She thought about Him. She was thinking, ever since They made up after the ‘cooling period’, the way They chatted/talked has somewhat changed…Well, maybe ‘change’ is not the right word. She should say, it’s different from before.
Nevertheless, She’s happy that He’s back. Really, She is. She’s thankful and grateful (but donno grateful to whom. LOL) Probably She’s just grateful that Their paths crossed, or rather, Their cyberpath crossed.
And yes, She’s STILL wondering when is He gonna see Her 
My my, She wonders alot, doesn’t She?? What a typical Female!
Just now after He logged off, Chris logged in. She chatted with him for abit. She was also wondering where he went because he’s not been in touch the past 2 days. Up to a point She wondered, is Chris married??? Yes, She does have a very IMAGINATIVE mind, mind you! Anyway, Chris told Her that he’s been busy until he doesn’t have time to eat.
She’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.
So you see, She’s got these few men in Her life but none of them is…permanent. Oh, and that Malay chap chatted Her up again earlier. She told him straight this time that She’s not interested anymore. And She also advised him not to cari pasal with other girls, just stick to his wife. LOL.
Soooo, conclusion?
As usual, n-o-n-e whatsoever.
